A Palimpsest of Soul and Skin

...and as usual, Life is what's happening while we've made other plans. Warren's transfer died on the vine a few days after we arrived here, and I'm still trying to break into the job market here in Victoria. I've done some networking, provided a little bit of design work on a freelance basis, and knocked on hundreds of doors. So, we're here, we're on Vancouver Island, but it seems like there's some...resistance. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I don't want to overlook what it is that's inside me that's holding me back. Doubt has always led me astray. I don't doubt that moving to BC was the best thing to do, and that it was done at the right time. My heart and my gut tell me so. Seeing my kids in the last little bit confirmed that. Being in Montréal while they live in Qualicum was just tearing me apart. Knowing that I'm closer to them now (if even a 2 and a half hour drive away) has knit something together inside of me th

Two days left until we fly out to B.C. Last night, the movers finally came and took everything that we can't take on the plane. Now we're camping out and will be sleeping on an air mattress for...well, indefinitely. Spartan lifestyle. I like the idea of the minimalism of it, so here's hoping that won't get old too fast. Life flies by way too quickly. I remember walking through the rooms of this apartment before we moved in. I so wanted the kids to be here and I didn't know how that was going to happen. I wanted to build a life with Warren and I was waiting for him to propose. Now, just over three years later, the kids have come and gone back to B.C., Warren and I have been engaged for over two years now, I've lost a job and gained an education, lost a loved one, learned and lived and bickered and laughed and cried, all within these walls and over these creaky floors. We've put out furniture and odds and ends that we were getting rid of out on the street,

...though I am almost overwhelmed with how much there is to update about. I've been far too busy to blog. Leah and Daniel moved back to BC with their dad. I continued on with school and just graduated a couple of weeks ago, so it seemed a perfect combination of events to relocate closer to where my kids are. Too much distance between Vancouver Island and Montréal for me to feel at ease with. I was spending way too much emotional and psychic energy shoring up against that awful, gaping emptiness that comes with my kids being on the other side of the country. And really, I accomplished what I needed to accomplish by moving here—though, truth be told, the way the world looked when I first made the decision to come here looks almost completely different than what the world looks like now. I was in a different relationship and a different headspace. Looking back at this time four years ago, I know that I was, in all seriousness, functioning with something of a walking nervous breakd